Episode Script
(Note: the final episode will not follow the script verbatim, but it will be pretty close. )
Welcome to the Thinkering & Tinkering podcast. I’m Fickle Father, and this podcast is a narrative memoir on my search for meaning as an LDS dad.
Who is This Podcast For?
I’ll start by letting you know who I’m talking to? And, well, frankly, I’m talking to me. Just a younger version of me. I’m writing this podcast to myself as a kid. I want him to know what I experienced and what I learned. I want him to know what he’ll learn…and that he’ll be okay. But, quite frankly, I hope he’ll be okayer than me.
I’m also making this podcast for my own six kids. Some of them are older. Some of them are younger.
One difficult part of being a father is that you’re not totally sure what you should be saying to your kids – what’s developmentally appropriate. I’m not even sure if it’s healthy to hear some things from your father or if they would want to hear it. There’s also the adage “Do as I say; not as I do.” I guess it’s hard to know if I tell my kids, “Hey, I did this or that” are they going to think, “Great! I guess I get to do that too!”
So I’m not sure if I should even tell them this podcast exists. I’m actually not sure if I should be telling anyone, quite frankly.
I keep using that word…frankly… or is it a name… Frank Lee? If there’s no such thing as coincidences, maybe I’m actually making this podcast for Frank Lee. Whoever that may be. Maybe it’s you.
Frank, if you’re listening to this, will you let me know!?
If you’re not Frank, and you are listening to this, I would be interested to know what you think, assuming it’s positive. Unfortunately, the only way to do that is by snail mail, because I’m not on social media. But if you’re thinking “Wow! This guy is about to publicly announce his address!” No, I’m not crazy enough to do that. I’ll only give my address if you first reach out by email and ask for it. That email is hi@ficklefather.com.
I’m not even going to say how to spell hi. It could be hi, high, heigh, or hie, or it could even be some weird utah version of Hi that makes no sense.
My whole point here is that if you’ve stumbled upon this podcast, I hope it resonates with you, whether you’re my kids, my younger self (which would be pretty wild), Frank Lee, or whoever.
Now you’re probably thinking, “okay, I’m here and listening, but you haven’t even told me what this podcast is actually about?”
Well, I will do that, right after the break …
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Navigating Life as an LDS Husband and Father
Welcome back to the Thinkering & Tinkering podcast. I’m Fickle Father.
I’ve talked about who the podcast is for. Now I’m going to talk more about me and this program.
Let me get some mood music going…
[The Bargain Song]
This podcast is basically about navigating life as an LDS husband and father.
I have six kids of various ages. My wife is my person. She’s really good to me in so many ways. I’m an active, temple recommend holding member of the church. But I have a very complicated relationship with the church. Sometimes I like it. Sometimes I hate it. A lot of times I’m somewhere in between.
I don’t know if I stay more because I’m stubborn or because I’m scared. Or maybe I think I stay because I am a person of faith – at least I think that I’d like to think so – at least a mustard seed worth, right?
I see the good that comes from the church – the good fruit. For example, I’ve followed the church’s teachings and programs and my life is pretty good. I thought I would be much richer – and I probably should be – but I can pay my bills and cover many of my family’s wants. So objectively, it’s good, right?
But I also see the bad. It’s not all roses. People have been legitimately hurt and scarred by the church – I have been. But it’s my opinion that if you look for the good, you can find it. And if you look for the bad, you can definitely find that too.
So, part of me wants to do this podcast to document these conflicting feelings…and I’ve sat with it long enough that I’ve reached a point where I feel like I have some things to say.
That being said, I’m not sure how much to say in an introductory episode. So all I will say at this point is that for the next little while, I’m going to be sharing my experience about my relationship with the LDS church.
I’ll share my inner thoughts and how it’s complicated – both internally in my own head and externally in relationships as a husband and father.
The Fickle Father Persona
This is a closed, autobiographical project, meaning I’m not bringing on experts or doing interviews. I’m just sharing episodes and topics that I think will be of interest to my audience, which I know very well because my audience is a younger me … and my kids.
I go by the pen name Fickle Father. It feels better to me to do this under that name rather than my real name. So that’s what I’m doing. And it’s not even necessarily because I’m trying to hide, but more because it feels better.
Like, if my name was Lloyd Johnson or George Sawyer, it wouldn’t make a difference. I’m just some dude sharing my experience.
But I did choose Fickle Father for a reason.
I’ve done a lot of things people talk about doing. I’ve written and published a book, I’ve started and launched two podcasts (now three), I started a sold a business, I went to law school, I’ve lived in and traveled to some interesting places (including the Shire), I’ve created lots of different websites, I’ve tried interesting things like bungee jumping (not my thing) and training for cage fighting (until I got punched in the face – that’s not my thing either).
I don’t have that one passion – you know, the one you find and pursue that makes it so you don’t have to work a day in your life when you’re doing what you love.
I work a day job to pay my bills and cover many of our wants. But I worry about paying for college, braces, weddings, etc.
I pursue different interests basically until I lose interest. I once thought that I would start a movement normalizing the idea that we can just try things for the sake of trying them – that it’s okay to try them and move on – to be a little fickle.
Well, I didn’t start any movements, but I’ve lived that.
In some ways I think of myself as an artist. I just want to create things I think I should create.
That’s what this podcast is. I think I should create it, so I’m doing it.
What to Expect Next
I’m not trying to start a business or a movement. I’m just creating something that I feel like I should put out into the ether.
I might move on later. Because I’m fickle. I’m the mother freaking father of fickleness.
But for the time being I have 12 or maybe 14 episodes outlined.
The next episode is entitled “The Time I Accidentally Had a Faith Crisis.”
I’m speaking into a vacuum a little bit. But you seriously are welcome to reach out. You can tell me what resonates or what you think I got wrong. I may do side episodes if it seems appropriate. And, seriously, I’m not on social media so the only way to reach me is by email to hi@ficklefather.com or you can leave a comment on Spotify, which will be the main home of the podcast. There are literally no other ways to reach me.
So, welcome to the podcast, and I hope you’ll stick around.